...defying gravity,,,

...seems to fit my mood right now...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tiW5ZRQlqEI

creative affirmation and ten tiny changes...

there are twenty creative affirmations in this study...a few for reflection:

~my dreams come from God and God has the power to accomplish them
~through the use of my creativity, i serve God
~there is a Divine plan of goodness for me
~there is a Divine plan of goodness for my work


ten tiny changes::list ten changes you'd like to make for yourself, from significant to small or vice versa ("get new sheets so i have another set, go to China, paint my kitchen, dump my demanding/unsupportive friend")...

write them out like this, "i would like to______________"



"whatever God's dream about man may be it seems certain it cannot come true unless man cooperates" stella terrill mann

reflecting on these...

"the question isn't who's going to let me; it's who's going to stop me." ayn rand

"do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplacable spark...in the hopeless swamps of the not-quite, the not-yet and the not-at-all...do not let the hero in your soul perish and leave only frustration for the life you deserved, but never have been able to reach...the world you desire can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..." ayn rand

crazymakers and recovering a sense of identity...

...thoughts for the week...

"...going sane feels just like going crazy"

"just as a recovering alcoholic must avoid that first drink, so recovering creatives must avoid that first 'think.'"

"do not let your self-doubt turn into self-sabotage."

"not surprisingly the most poisonous playmates for us as recovering creatives are people whose creativity is still blocked. our recovery threatens them. blocked friends may find your recovery disturbing."

"your own healing is the greatest message of hope to others."


...do you have any crazymakers in your life?...

crazymakers...

-break deals and destroy schedules
-expect special treatment
-discount your reality
-spend your time and money
-triangulate those they deal with and pit people against each other
-are expert blamers
-create dramas but seldom where they belong
-hate schedules except their own
-hate order
-deny they are crazymakers


...begin to pay attention...

"...survival lies in sanity and sanity lies in paying attention...success or failure, the truth of life really has little to do with its quality...the quality of life is in proportion, always, to the capacity for delight...the capacity for delight is the gift of paying attention..."

"...pain is what it took to teach me to pay attention..." the moment we are in is always a safe place for us...each moment, taken alone, is always bearable...


...in closing...

"draw a sacred circle around your recovery..."

still more resistance...

gotta say...i've done the morning pages once this week and dropped the ball on all other exercises in this study...

not gonna lie...pretty discouraged...possibly the most i ever remember being...not good...

resistance...

"each of us is complex and highly individual, yet there are common recognizable denominators to the creative recovery process. working with this process, i see a certain amount of defiance and giddiness in the first few weeks."

...having undertaken to begin this process, the artist's way, and this being my first week of trying...i have found a sort of odd resistance to it...i won't say there has been for me the giddyness she describes, nor the outright defiance...it has been more of a quiet setting aside of the urgings to actually undertake to write my morning pages and, well, a dam of sorts, right in my very soul...holding me back from even passive involvement in the process, let alone any sort of eager action...

...i am unsure as to whether, underlying it all, there is a doubt this will work...as, it seems, none of my other attempts at a creative recovery have worked...perhaps it is a fear that it will begin to work...of what recovery will really mean to the dailyness of my life...to the false safety...

...tomorrow, i am determined to begin...even the small step of my morning pages...though, at the moment, i feel this would be ever so much easier if i lived in a flat somewhere in italy or paris or new york and could reward myself for writing those much-dreaded "stream-of-consciousness" pages each morning with some crusty bread and strong coffee...

"when we engage in a creative recovery, we enter into a withdrawal process from life as we know it."

early quotations...

from "the artist's way" by julia cameron

"remember there is a Creative Energy that wants to express itself through you..."

"creativity is an act of faith..."

"opening our soul to what must be made, we meet our Maker..."

"...fear means you are secretly in despair..."


this book is a method you work through and learn in order to free yourself from being a shadow artist...in order to live plugged into the creative flow...it is a means by which you can become unblocked as an artist...

"make your own recovery the first priority in your life."

this week i will be writing my "morning pages", which are three pages per day written first thing in the morning...simply writing stream-of-consciousness...no review...no editing...no sharing...

i will also be taking myself on an artist date...by myself...just for fun...something that feeds my inner artist...

there is a list of tasks i am choosing from, as well...

find me here...

i created this blog in the hopes that i would actually use it...but as you can see, i had all the ambition and none of the follow-through...

now, i am back...hoping to use this space to share with you my journey as an artist...

my desire would be that you will find inspiration here...that you will find hope...that somehow, if even in a very small way, this space will prove to be a safe place where we can explore together what it means to...be...

coming soon...commentary on "the artist's way" by julia cameron