Lamentations 3
Hope in the Lord’s Faithfulness
1 I am the one who has seen the afflictions that come from the rod of the Lord’s anger. 2 He has led me into darkness, shutting out all light. 3 He has turned his hand against me again and again, all day long.
4 He has made my skin and flesh grow old. He has broken my bones. 5 He has besieged and surrounded me with anguish and distress. 6 He has buried me in a dark place, like those long dead.
7 He has walled me in, and I cannot escape. He has bound me in heavy chains. 8 And though I cry and shout, he has shut out my prayers. 9 He has blocked my way with a high stone wall; he has made my road crooked.
10 He has hidden like a bear or a lion, waiting to attack me. 11 He has dragged me off the path and torn me in pieces, leaving me helpless and devastated. 12 He has drawn his bow and made me the target for his arrows.
13 He shot his arrows deep into my heart. 14 My own people laugh at me. All day long they sing their mocking songs. 15 He has filled me with bitterness and given me a bitter cup of sorrow to drink.
16 He has made me chew on gravel. He has rolled me in the dust. 17 Peace has been stripped away, and I have forgotten what prosperity is. 18 I cry out, “My splendor is gone! Everything I had hoped for from the Lord is lost!”
19 The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words.[a] 20 I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. 21 Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this:
22 The faithful love of the Lord never ends![b] His mercies never cease. 23 Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. 24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!”
25 The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him. 26 So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord. 27 And it is good for people to submit at an early age to the yoke of his discipline:
28 Let them sit alone in silence beneath the Lord’s demands. 29 Let them lie face down in the dust, for there may be hope at last. 30 Let them turn the other cheek to those who strike them and accept the insults of their enemies.
31 For no one is abandoned by the Lord forever.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
reconciliation
Matthew 5:23-24: "Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar of whole burnt-offerings and there you remember that your brother has something against you, leave there your gift before the altar of the whole burnt-offerings and be going away. First be reconciled to your brother, and then, having come, be offering your gift."
God holds reconciliation and unity in such high esteem that we are told to leave the altar and make things right with our brothers, sisters...our friends. Seems like God is more interested in our unity than our sacrifice.
Who do you need to be reconciled with...who do you need to make things right with...we should fight for friendships...and cherish unity and hold reconciliation in high esteem! We should be willing to do whatever it takes to restore our friendships. We should learn to finish well.
God holds reconciliation and unity in such high esteem that we are told to leave the altar and make things right with our brothers, sisters...our friends. Seems like God is more interested in our unity than our sacrifice.
Who do you need to be reconciled with...who do you need to make things right with...we should fight for friendships...and cherish unity and hold reconciliation in high esteem! We should be willing to do whatever it takes to restore our friendships. We should learn to finish well.
trials...pain...and...waiting
i have to confess that i have failed many a test when it comes to the trials and pain i have encountered over the last several years...i used to be pretty good at this waiting and trust thing...i used to be a cock-eyed optimist...things didn't ruffle my feathers much...i was a joyful person...i was an encourager...
it's been a tough bunch of years...i've seen a lot of shocking and sudden disappointments and falling apart of so many things in my life...people suddenly changing and shutting me out...friendships gone without reason or explanation...dreams crushed...but that is not why i am posting...
i am writing because i realized today that i have failed...failed to respond well to all of these challenges...failed to walk in peace...to trust...to believe...i've failed to offer hope to anyone in the midst of my trials...i've exhibited hopelessness and despair...i have fainted in the day of adversity...my strength has been small...
and i am grieved that i had these opportunities to shine...to show forth hope...light in the darkness and i have chosen to sit in the pit and stay stuck in the miry clay...
but...
this is my hope::
Psalm 40[a] For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. 2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. 3 He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in him.
4 Blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods.[b] 5 Many, LORD my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you planned for us. None can compare with you; were I to speak and tell of your deeds, they would be too many to declare.
6 Sacrifice and offering you did not desire— but my ears you have opened[c]— burnt offerings and sin offerings[d] you did not require. 7 Then I said, “Here I am, I have come— it is written about me in the scroll.[e] 8 I desire to do your will, my God; your law is within my heart.”
9 I proclaim your saving acts in the great assembly; I do not seal my lips, LORD, as you know. 10 I do not hide your righteousness in my heart; I speak of your faithfulness and your saving help. I do not conceal your love and your faithfulness from the great assembly.
11 Do not withhold your mercy from me, LORD; may your love and faithfulness always protect me. 12 For troubles without number surround me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me. 13 Be pleased to save me, LORD; come quickly, LORD, to help me.
14 May all who want to take my life be put to shame and confusion; may all who desire my ruin be turned back in disgrace. 15 May those who say to me, “Aha! Aha!” be appalled at their own shame. 16 But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who long for your saving help always say, “The LORD is great!”
17 But as for me, I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and my deliverer; you are my God, do not delay.
i want to move forward from here and cultivate hope and patience in waiting...i want to shine...so that no matter what comes my way, i will still have a song in my mouth that will encourage rather than despair...i want to take back my joy...and i want it to spill out all over everyone around me...
it's been a tough bunch of years...i've seen a lot of shocking and sudden disappointments and falling apart of so many things in my life...people suddenly changing and shutting me out...friendships gone without reason or explanation...dreams crushed...but that is not why i am posting...
i am writing because i realized today that i have failed...failed to respond well to all of these challenges...failed to walk in peace...to trust...to believe...i've failed to offer hope to anyone in the midst of my trials...i've exhibited hopelessness and despair...i have fainted in the day of adversity...my strength has been small...
and i am grieved that i had these opportunities to shine...to show forth hope...light in the darkness and i have chosen to sit in the pit and stay stuck in the miry clay...
but...
this is my hope::
Psalm 40[a] For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. 2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. 3 He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in him.
4 Blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods.[b] 5 Many, LORD my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you planned for us. None can compare with you; were I to speak and tell of your deeds, they would be too many to declare.
6 Sacrifice and offering you did not desire— but my ears you have opened[c]— burnt offerings and sin offerings[d] you did not require. 7 Then I said, “Here I am, I have come— it is written about me in the scroll.[e] 8 I desire to do your will, my God; your law is within my heart.”
9 I proclaim your saving acts in the great assembly; I do not seal my lips, LORD, as you know. 10 I do not hide your righteousness in my heart; I speak of your faithfulness and your saving help. I do not conceal your love and your faithfulness from the great assembly.
11 Do not withhold your mercy from me, LORD; may your love and faithfulness always protect me. 12 For troubles without number surround me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me. 13 Be pleased to save me, LORD; come quickly, LORD, to help me.
14 May all who want to take my life be put to shame and confusion; may all who desire my ruin be turned back in disgrace. 15 May those who say to me, “Aha! Aha!” be appalled at their own shame. 16 But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who long for your saving help always say, “The LORD is great!”
17 But as for me, I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and my deliverer; you are my God, do not delay.
i want to move forward from here and cultivate hope and patience in waiting...i want to shine...so that no matter what comes my way, i will still have a song in my mouth that will encourage rather than despair...i want to take back my joy...and i want it to spill out all over everyone around me...
an update
so...in the last few weeks, i have called schools and visited schools and narrowed down schools and so forth and so on...i have not slept more than a few hours except for maybe one night...and it has felt as if every part of my life was either in utter chaos and turmoil or was falling apart on me for no apparent reason...to be honest, i have been ready to just give up altogether...
i had hoped to start in november, but after visiting the last two schools on my list and trying to crunch numbers to see how i could possibly make it work, i came to the realization that trying to force things was only going to end up in disaster...
so, i will be waiting until january to start school and here are the contenders::
atlanta school of aesthetics which has a medical focus, great equipment, wonderful faculty (i met every one of them and the owner on my visit) and the students seem happy...drawbacks are the cost and the part time schedule is not really condusive to working or living...
aveda school dc which is aveda (big plus) and by far the least expensive and the shortest of all the part time programs...drawbacks are it's downtown location (a metro ride every nite)...the fact the classes are evening...and originally i was worried that working all day and then metro'ing in to school all nite would be the death of me, but in rethinking my plans, i think i could get enough money from my loans to cover my living expenses...take on a few dance students and make it happen...
paul mitchell school nashville which i have not toured yet, but will look at on tuesday...i would not go here if my friend is not going to be moving to the area...lame, i know, but i desperately need the support of stable, safe, loyal, trustworthy friends who i can count on to be there and i don't want to move somewhere i will not have that...
so kids, that's the latest...hoping to know something by the middle of the month...ready for good things that stick...ready to be able to have something good in my life that will just get better and not worse for a change...cautiously optimistic...
i had hoped to start in november, but after visiting the last two schools on my list and trying to crunch numbers to see how i could possibly make it work, i came to the realization that trying to force things was only going to end up in disaster...
so, i will be waiting until january to start school and here are the contenders::
atlanta school of aesthetics which has a medical focus, great equipment, wonderful faculty (i met every one of them and the owner on my visit) and the students seem happy...drawbacks are the cost and the part time schedule is not really condusive to working or living...
aveda school dc which is aveda (big plus) and by far the least expensive and the shortest of all the part time programs...drawbacks are it's downtown location (a metro ride every nite)...the fact the classes are evening...and originally i was worried that working all day and then metro'ing in to school all nite would be the death of me, but in rethinking my plans, i think i could get enough money from my loans to cover my living expenses...take on a few dance students and make it happen...
paul mitchell school nashville which i have not toured yet, but will look at on tuesday...i would not go here if my friend is not going to be moving to the area...lame, i know, but i desperately need the support of stable, safe, loyal, trustworthy friends who i can count on to be there and i don't want to move somewhere i will not have that...
so kids, that's the latest...hoping to know something by the middle of the month...ready for good things that stick...ready to be able to have something good in my life that will just get better and not worse for a change...cautiously optimistic...
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
this is rad
http://www.passioncitychurch.com/watch/#20110918
i stumbled across this...not sure how, even...but something's going on...don't know quite what, yet...but...it's got my attention...
i stumbled across this...not sure how, even...but something's going on...don't know quite what, yet...but...it's got my attention...
Friday, October 14, 2011
insomnia=new blog post
i am awake...wide awake...it seems this is becoming a not-so-great new habit of mine...i've had only one good night's sleep in about a week's time...and so, kids...this means you're gettin' a new blog!
some of you know i've toyed with the idea of becoming a professional makeup artist for years...recently, in the time that i have had to be away, i've been able to think...a lot...sometimes too much...the idea that i should look into makeup and esthetics training as a serious move on my part began to be more persistent than just a passing thought...so, i began to research schools in the southeast and sort of "put the feelers out."
in the last month, i began to really make phone calls to schools and do extensive research...after many closed doors (either the schools no longer offered esthetics or they didn't offer night classes or they were too expensive...or all the above)...i have finally narrowed it down to a few schools in the southeast that i need to actually visit and see which one might be a good fit...
most of the programs would start in november and run a max of one year...and then, after passing my licensing exam, i could actually have a real job...imagine that!
so i am cautiously optimistic about all of this...fighting the fears of things ending in disappointment as they have so often seemed to do for me in the past...but moving forward and hoping...praying that this would be something really wonderful for me...and a good path for my future...
some of you know i've toyed with the idea of becoming a professional makeup artist for years...recently, in the time that i have had to be away, i've been able to think...a lot...sometimes too much...the idea that i should look into makeup and esthetics training as a serious move on my part began to be more persistent than just a passing thought...so, i began to research schools in the southeast and sort of "put the feelers out."
in the last month, i began to really make phone calls to schools and do extensive research...after many closed doors (either the schools no longer offered esthetics or they didn't offer night classes or they were too expensive...or all the above)...i have finally narrowed it down to a few schools in the southeast that i need to actually visit and see which one might be a good fit...
most of the programs would start in november and run a max of one year...and then, after passing my licensing exam, i could actually have a real job...imagine that!
so i am cautiously optimistic about all of this...fighting the fears of things ending in disappointment as they have so often seemed to do for me in the past...but moving forward and hoping...praying that this would be something really wonderful for me...and a good path for my future...
Sunday, October 2, 2011
upside down is right side up and other revelations
so over the course of...well, if i am being honest here, years...i have been struggling...hmmm...maybe wrestling is a better term...trying to reconcile what i had heard about religion, faith, God, life, people, right and wrong and everything in between...trying to understand God and Jesus and Faith and how all of those things fit into my life or more importantly how my life fit into those realities...
i've read books...listened to speakers (of all faiths, backgrounds, religions and non-religions)...i've cried and prayed and screamed and kept silent and pondered...i've tried and failed...had times of striving and times of doing nothing...
donald miller wrote, "i began to believe the christian faith was a religious system invented within the human story rather than a series of true ideas that explained the story." that resonates with me...
i was wanting to know...to understand the why's of so many deeper questions and challenges...wanting to really find the God i'd been told and believed is Good and Loving...wanting redemption...wanting purpose...wanting...LIFE...
saint francis of assisi once said, "true progress quietly and persistently moves along without notice." and i believe that is what has been taking place in my life...a progress that has been moving along quietly...on the surface it seemed to be a very stormy process...but underneath it all...in the stillness of my soul, the progress has been there...the changing...the solidifying...the LIFE...the faintest spark being fanned into flame by the loving persistence of God...
there was a time i thought i knew it all...had the handle on the truth of God...and in the faithfulness of testing and hardship...in the crushing blows of rejection, defeat, disillusionment and disappointment, i found that i knew nothing, really...because if the truth that we know cannot withstand the hardships and the questioning, perhaps it is not truth we know, but opinion we have formed, that we have donned like a sassy new coat that looks fantastic, but doesn't keep us warm in the harshness of winters's chill...
i decided to study the life of Jesus...as much as i could to understand this central figure in the faith of my fathers, so to speak...and i found that i fell in love with a radical man...one who caused trouble by being kind...whose very existence rattled people, even when he wasn't saying a word...he spoke of an upside down world...about loving those who hate...about being a peacemaker...a world of opposites, which flew in the face of every rational thought of society and made the best of that culture look like a filthy thing...
and then i began to rattle cages...just by asking questions...it was funny that the people who hated the questions were the people who were supposed to be following the same Jesus i was talking about...for some, i was an annoying gnat, buzzing around and they just swatted at me and walked away...for some i was a dangerous bug to be crushed...too radical...not educated enough to really understand such a grand concept as Jesus (even though the band of men Jesus called his disciples were a bunch of blue-collar, rough-around-the-edges societal outcasts)...
but in all of this, my greater struggle was with hopelessness...when every area of your life seems to fall apart suddenly, without warning over and over again with alarming predictability, it's hard to believe that a Good God loves you...and that a God who is Able to do anything would sit back and do nothing...i questioned whether i was maybe the "esau God hated" and struggled to find the magic button to push...the perfect thing to say or do that would turn the tide in my favor...i longed for direction and purpose and found every bit of light i ran toward ended up being a train that flattened me...
deep down, i know that i believed that God was Good and that God loved me...i just wanted out of all of the pain...i just wanted a happy that would "stick"...
it took an auto accident to "ground me"...to make me stop, be still and listen...to get me quiet enough to hear God whisper...
there is a phenomenon called "spacial disorientation" which causes many unseasoned pilots to crash...they ignore their instruments which are accurately reporting the plane's position and fly based on their feelings...
this was me...all the circumstances of my life were causing me to think my "plane" was out of control...that i needed to find stability...that bad was good and good was bad and i lost perspective and direction and worst of all, hope...
the auto accident caused me to see how God was taking care of me...ordering my steps...caused me to be reminded of the very dear people in my life...to allow myself to be loved and cared for...to allow myself to stop...to just be still...to find God's presence in my life...and to allow myself to be healed...and to be reconciled...to see the smile of God in the sun on my face and the love of God in the hands of a friend...
to breathe deeply...to rest completely...to smile from the inside, out...
my story is unfolding just as it should...crazy as it may seem, at times...it is woven with happy and sad and glory and failure...triumph and tragedy...but if it is to be an epic story, it must contain all of these elements...for the joy is in the overcoming...
my story is not finished, though the pages turn faster than i would like, at times...i think it will take a chapter or two to learn to trust my "instruments" and fly with confidence...but i am learning upside down is really right side up and God is Good and my story will be beautiful yet...
i've read books...listened to speakers (of all faiths, backgrounds, religions and non-religions)...i've cried and prayed and screamed and kept silent and pondered...i've tried and failed...had times of striving and times of doing nothing...
donald miller wrote, "i began to believe the christian faith was a religious system invented within the human story rather than a series of true ideas that explained the story." that resonates with me...
i was wanting to know...to understand the why's of so many deeper questions and challenges...wanting to really find the God i'd been told and believed is Good and Loving...wanting redemption...wanting purpose...wanting...LIFE...
saint francis of assisi once said, "true progress quietly and persistently moves along without notice." and i believe that is what has been taking place in my life...a progress that has been moving along quietly...on the surface it seemed to be a very stormy process...but underneath it all...in the stillness of my soul, the progress has been there...the changing...the solidifying...the LIFE...the faintest spark being fanned into flame by the loving persistence of God...
there was a time i thought i knew it all...had the handle on the truth of God...and in the faithfulness of testing and hardship...in the crushing blows of rejection, defeat, disillusionment and disappointment, i found that i knew nothing, really...because if the truth that we know cannot withstand the hardships and the questioning, perhaps it is not truth we know, but opinion we have formed, that we have donned like a sassy new coat that looks fantastic, but doesn't keep us warm in the harshness of winters's chill...
i decided to study the life of Jesus...as much as i could to understand this central figure in the faith of my fathers, so to speak...and i found that i fell in love with a radical man...one who caused trouble by being kind...whose very existence rattled people, even when he wasn't saying a word...he spoke of an upside down world...about loving those who hate...about being a peacemaker...a world of opposites, which flew in the face of every rational thought of society and made the best of that culture look like a filthy thing...
and then i began to rattle cages...just by asking questions...it was funny that the people who hated the questions were the people who were supposed to be following the same Jesus i was talking about...for some, i was an annoying gnat, buzzing around and they just swatted at me and walked away...for some i was a dangerous bug to be crushed...too radical...not educated enough to really understand such a grand concept as Jesus (even though the band of men Jesus called his disciples were a bunch of blue-collar, rough-around-the-edges societal outcasts)...
but in all of this, my greater struggle was with hopelessness...when every area of your life seems to fall apart suddenly, without warning over and over again with alarming predictability, it's hard to believe that a Good God loves you...and that a God who is Able to do anything would sit back and do nothing...i questioned whether i was maybe the "esau God hated" and struggled to find the magic button to push...the perfect thing to say or do that would turn the tide in my favor...i longed for direction and purpose and found every bit of light i ran toward ended up being a train that flattened me...
deep down, i know that i believed that God was Good and that God loved me...i just wanted out of all of the pain...i just wanted a happy that would "stick"...
it took an auto accident to "ground me"...to make me stop, be still and listen...to get me quiet enough to hear God whisper...
there is a phenomenon called "spacial disorientation" which causes many unseasoned pilots to crash...they ignore their instruments which are accurately reporting the plane's position and fly based on their feelings...
this was me...all the circumstances of my life were causing me to think my "plane" was out of control...that i needed to find stability...that bad was good and good was bad and i lost perspective and direction and worst of all, hope...
the auto accident caused me to see how God was taking care of me...ordering my steps...caused me to be reminded of the very dear people in my life...to allow myself to be loved and cared for...to allow myself to stop...to just be still...to find God's presence in my life...and to allow myself to be healed...and to be reconciled...to see the smile of God in the sun on my face and the love of God in the hands of a friend...
to breathe deeply...to rest completely...to smile from the inside, out...
my story is unfolding just as it should...crazy as it may seem, at times...it is woven with happy and sad and glory and failure...triumph and tragedy...but if it is to be an epic story, it must contain all of these elements...for the joy is in the overcoming...
my story is not finished, though the pages turn faster than i would like, at times...i think it will take a chapter or two to learn to trust my "instruments" and fly with confidence...but i am learning upside down is really right side up and God is Good and my story will be beautiful yet...
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