being disappointed by people you respect...

so...most of you that know me know that i love donald miller's writing...i love the way he expresses truth...i love the way he makes you think...i love the way he paints pictures with words...

i have been so excited about the release of the movie "blue like jazz" based on his book by the same name...i told all my friends about it...i bought my tickets and went over the weekend...

i talked about it on twitter...i talked about it on facebook...i talked about it to anyone who would listen...i loved the movie...and was happy to see it doing really well in certain markets...

all day long in my twitter feed i kept seeing updates from donald miller about how the film was doing in different markets...doing well here...not doing so well there...

well...then it came to alabama...and his statement was "Alabama is doing well for a movie not about football."

i was rather annoyed by the statement...not offended...not mad...not up-in-arms...just bothered because people are always portraying alabamians as a bunch of backwards hicks who have not clue one about anything other than rebel flags, football and marrying our cousins...

my response was this: "@donaldmiller wow! degrading people of an entire state with blanket judgements may not be the best way to drum up support for your movie!"

he responded with an apology...saying he didn't mean it like that...he didn't mean to offend...and that was cool...i appreciated that he meant it as funny and didn't think of it being taken in another way...

so, i responded: "@donaldmiller no hard feelings...just feel like alabamians are too often characterized as a bunch of rebel flag wavin, fball lovin rubes..."

at which time he blocked me!!!

now, for me, this is a huge disappointment...because this is someone i respected...someone i believed to be level-headed, open-minded...reasonable...real...someone who would err on the side of grace, not retaliation...

this experience threatened to taint what i have taken from all of his books (yes, i have read and recommended every single one of his books)...to taint all i have heard him say in the lectures i have attended...to taint the blogs i have read...to taint everything i have thought about donald miller or read by him...

and i wanted to extend grace...to believe that somehow there was a reasonable explanation for what seemed like a very unreasonable response...it seemed there should be room for grace on both sides...

disappointment...

and so i am trying to let go of the disappointment...because, i know donald miller, at the end of the day, is, like me, a flawed human being...and as much as i want to say "i don't think jesus would have blocked me"...i also think jesus would have taken being blocked with meekness...

and so i shake off the dust of hurt and disappointment and move forward...leaving it in the hands of a God who is ever so much better at this grace thing than i...

and seriously...go see "blue like jazz"...it's a really good film

little things

tonite i opened the french doors that lead out to my deck, turned off the lights, lit a candle and have been sitting listening to the sounds of happy birds singing their little hearts out

and a slow, steady rain...

it has made me think of porches with swings, clotheslines and the smell of sheets dried in the sun and how it wraps you up in a hug that seeps all the way down to your soul...about screen doors on a spring that slam shut behind you...about the sound of my grandmother sweetly humming as she bustled about the kitchen...

it has made me homesick for a home i've never had...for someone who cares about your day...someone to tell you about theirs...someone to sit on that porch swing with, drowsily listening to the sounds of the crickets and tree frogs and life all around...

sigh

moving and changes

so i officially moved to nashville right before new year's. we emptied my storage unit in dc and drove the truck here...unloaded and now this is my new home...for a time, at least...

this is a strange move...i am here for school and though i am sure that is not the only reason, it is the only thing in my line of vision right now...

i usually enter into change with trepidation, but anticipation of all the great things that could be there for me...not so this time...

i worry that i am losing hope and that is why i don't see this as anything more than the need to go to school...finish the program...get my license and get a good job...

there is no long distance dream or vision tied in with this...and that is not my norm...

so i wonder what is going on with me...and why i can only see this as doing what is before me...but i press on and i intend to finish or at least do all that is within my power to finish...

in this place of displacement, body and soul

the price of an adventurous life...

recently, i was spending the day with dear friends and we were discussing life...something was said about trading lives with me...i immediately responded, "you don't want to trade lives with me...trust me, you don't want my life..."

i made that statement, not really as a complaint...but more as a means of clarifying...one of my friends responded, "people don't realize the cost (or price or something like that) of an adventurous life..."

that really caught me off guard and struck at the core of things i've been sort of mulling over in my own heart and mind...

this adventurous life that everyone thinks i have and to be honest, i know i have..is not all it's cracked up to be...yes, i've been blessed with many wonderful opportunities to travel, to learn, to meet many amazing people and do many fun and wonderful things...but is easy to look from the outside and see a person's life as adventurous and enviable...and never really know what that life has cost them...

as i have spent some time now reflecting on my life, i realize it has cost me stability...the opportunity to put down roots somewhere...the privilege of belonging to people, to places...it has meant that meeting all these amazing people came with goodbyes i wasn't ready to say and friendships left still in their seeds of promise...it has meant not ever quite feeling "home"...

every road of risk-taking is a road of pain...because for every leap that brings the soaring, there's hundreds or more that only end in "thud!"...

it has also cost me being settled...having someone to come home to...to talk over my day with...it has meant that most of these incredible experiences i've enjoyed alone or with practical strangers...i don't have many people i can reminisce with about all the great times...

and as the years wane, i find i long for the porch light...for the someone waiting for me...someone to come home to...someone to come home with...

don't get me wrong, this is not discontent rearing its ugly head...just reflection from a grateful, but somewhat wistful heart...because i guess whatever kind of life...the grass always seems greener...

Psalm 130:5-6 I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.

we grow weary, waiting...i am really impatient...i mean, i am fine to wait for a bit...particularly if it looks like what i am waiting for or hoping for is actually going to happen...it is the waiting when i don't know what is going to happen or when...waiting when i am not sure what is coming down the pike...waiting when i am watching things turning in a way that scares me and makes me wonder if anything is ever going to work out...that's the hard part...

we wait for the sunrise, because we know it is coming...we know it is coming...the night may be dark...and scary...sounds from things unseen may startle us and set our very hair on end...but light will come...the first, faint glimmer of the sun will illuminate the darkness...and so we wait...because we know the sun will rise...

oh to wait on GOD like that...to know the breakthrough is coming...to know something good is coming...to know HE is going to come through for us...the sun is going to rise on our lives...it is...because that's just the way it is and we know...

ah..there it is...the child is gone

i love the line from "finding neverland" when johnny depp (as j.m. barrie) comments "ah...there it is...the child is gone..."

that moment when "reality" sets in and we no longer believe in santa claus, the easter bunny...magic...when we are far too sophisticated to be "duped" by such "nonsense"...

but i must admit that the older i get, the more i believe we are "duped" by logic and "common sense" and not be any sense of the wonder of our childhood...

as a matter of fact, i believe there is a reason jesus said you have to approach the kingdom of heaven as a little child...because they are the only ones who still see clearly...before their great "minds" get in the way...

i read this earlier today:: “Soon the child’s clear eye is clouded over by ideas and opinions, preconceptions, and abstractions. Simple free being becomes encrusted with the burdensome armor of the ego. Not until years later does an instinct come that a vital sense of mystery has been withdrawn. The sun glints through the pines and the heart is pierced in a moment of beauty and strange pain, like a memory of paradise. After that day, we become seekers.” —Peter Muryo Matthiessen, courtesy of Parabola Magazine

so i challenge you to say to the bullying voices of "common sense" and what "everybody knows"..."shut up you big meanies!" and approach this season with the wonder of a child...open your mind, your heart, you soul to its magic...and see what impossible things you might discover...

saying yes to God...

i love the christmas song "mary did you know"...the lyrics are so poignant and powerful::


"Mary did you know that your baby boy will one day walk on water?
Mary did you know that your baby boy will save our sons and daughters?
Did you know that your baby boy has come to make you new?
This child that you've delivered, will soon deliver you.

Mary did you know that your baby boy will give sight to a blind man?
Mary did you know that your baby boy will calm a storm with his hand?
Did you know that your baby boy has walked where angels trod?
And when you kiss your little baby, you have kissed the face of God.

The blind will see, the deaf will hear and the dead will live again.
The lame will leap, the dumb will speak, the praises of the lamb.

Mary did you know that your baby boy is Lord of all creation?
Mary did you know that your baby boy will one day rule the nations?
Did you know that your baby boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?
This sleeping child you're holding is the great I am."


how very many things mary could not have known...i think we assume that the people in the testimonies contained in the bible knew the whole story that we know...but i am sure that, like us, they only knew a very small bit of what GOD was doing...mary knew she had a visitation...she knew this child was like no other...but she could not have fully known all that it would cost her to say "yes" to GOD...

my favorite story from the christmas account comes when they take JESUS to the temple...and they encounter a man named simeon...i love simeon...here's the story::


LUKE 2: 22 When the time came for the purification rites required by the Law of Moses, Joseph and Mary took him to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord 23 (as it is written in the Law of the Lord, “Every firstborn male is to be consecrated to the Lord”[b]), 24 and to offer a sacrifice in keeping with what is said in the Law of the Lord: “a pair of doves or two young pigeons.”[c]
25 Now there was a man in Jerusalem called Simeon, who was righteous and devout. He was waiting for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was on him. 26 It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord’s Messiah. 27 Moved by the Spirit, he went into the temple courts. When the parents brought in the child Jesus to do for him what the custom of the Law required, 28 Simeon took him in his arms and praised God, saying:
29 “Sovereign Lord, as you have promised, you may now dismiss[d] your servant in peace. 30 For my eyes have seen your salvation, 31 which you have prepared in the sight of all nations: 32 a light for revelation to the Gentiles, and the glory of your people Israel.”
33 The child’s father and mother marveled at what was said about him. 34 Then Simeon blessed them and said to Mary, his mother: “This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, 35 so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too.”


i marvel that simeon was able to recognize JESUS as the promised child in the large crowds and in the number of children he must have seen come through the temple in his time of waiting...and i wonder what mary thought of his words, "and a sword will pierce your own soul, too."

i wonder if mary remembered those words as she watched the horrific death of her son by crucifiction...i am not a mother, but i cannot imagine the agony of that experience to a mother's heart...i wonder if mary every doubted...if she ever told GOD, "this isn't what i thought i was signing up for."

she couldn't have known all it would mean to say "yes" to GOD in that moment when the angel appeared to her and told her things too impossible to be true...i wonder if we would say "yes" to GOD given the same opportunity...

mary, did you know...did she...do we...

catching up

i've missed a few days...i traveled to dc on tuesday...i was grateful to see snow showers and for a little detour that led me through a litlte old town all lit up for christmas...and for the houses every so often that would appear in the darkness, decorated with christmas lights...it gave me such joy...

wednesday, i was able to see a bunch of people, which was good...i always feel like i don't have enough time to see people and i feel like they get hurt...it's just that i am one person and can only do so much...it was nice to get to at least see a bunch of people in one day and even though most of them i only talked to for five minutes, it was better than nothing...

today was amazing! my friend was off all day and we had a yummy breakfast, went shopping most of the day, had a steak dinner, cheesecake factory for dessert...drove around looking at christmas lights and then watched "the lemondrop kid" (a favorite holiday movie)...such a lovely day...didn't know how much i needed a day like today until looking back on it just now...

my cup runneth over...

monday monday little happy happy

grateful that GOD is with us...

i have been reflecting during this Advent season on Emmanuel::GOD with us...

if we really consider the implications of that...all the power of GOD is with us...

i read somewhere that someone said we are far too satisfied seeking the shadows and not the object...meaning...we seek the things GOD can give us and not GOD himself...and i've been thinking how futile chasing shadows can be...they are flighty...they move and change with the light, with the seasons and even as the object casting them changes...

isn't that true of anything we could seek above GOD...all blessings we could think to ask for or desire are changeable and changing...they may be good and we may need them and want them and even get them...but if we are seeking them above the GOD who gives them, we will never be satisfied...we will always be chasing...

so this Advent season, i am hoping to seek more of the GOD who is with us and not the shadows...

dont give up

read this blog a moment ago...it was encouraging to me...

http://blog.compassion.com/waiting-in-faith-god-hasn%E2%80%99t-given-up-on-you/?utm_source=twitter.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=tweet


Habakkuk 2

1 I will stand at my watch and station myself on the ramparts; I will look to see what he will say to me, and what answer I am to give to this complaint.[a]
The LORD’s Answer 2 Then the LORD replied:
“Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald[b] may run with it. 3 For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it[c] will certainly come and will not delay.

::lighthouses::

(image from pinterest.com)

i saw this image as i was browsing through the pinterest site...

i started thinking about how we all need people in our lives who are lighthouses...the beacons that remain steady, even as we are setting sail for the greatest of adventures...they shine their light and guide us home...protect us from danger...give us hope...

no matter how strong we are (and we are made of some stern stuff, you and i)...we need someitmes to rest in another's strength...we need the steadying hand of a friend...we need to be reminded that we can make it...when we are about to give up, to have someone who will hold the light and shout to us "you're almost there...keep trying...you can make it!"

do you have a friend like that in your life? be grateful. if not, be on the lookout for one. are you that for someone...if not...turn on your light and get to shining...

sunday's little happy

grateful for lazy days...for the chance to bake some goodies...for a GOD who is up to something GOOD! :-)

thankful today for::

grateful for friends who check on me and care what's happening in my life...not the ones who call or contact cause they want something...the ones who just need to make sure my life is good...who just want to connect...

grateful for a decisive win over auburn...for trent richardson having a stellar game, as it improves his heisman bid and out bid for a rematch for the national title...

grateful for skype and the ability to talk to someone and see their face...that's a pretty cool thing...

"oh well's"

i read today "better to have a life of 'oh well's' than a life of 'what if's"...

and as much heartache as i have experienced by taking chances on life...on opportunities...on people...i have to say, i'd rather have taken the chances than look back wonder what might have been if i had been willing to risk something...

we run scared, us humans...scared to happy as much as sad...and i think we're more scared of success than failure, to be honest...and that fear disguises itself as logic, as reason, as practicality...it tells us that we are being smart not to take the risks...that we are better off safe...

but are we?

at what cost?

we could be missing out on the most amazing thing to ever come into our life and the only thing keeping us from it is our refusal to take a chance...to try...our fear...

i don't know about you, but i'll side with the risk-taking dreamer every time...the odds are historically in their favor...and i believe GOD is on their side...

so what the storm is raging...so what you can't swim, you're afraid you'll drown...so what it's the craziest thing to step out of a boat into a tempestuous sea...peter did it and walked on water...i think i'd like to do a little walking, too...

that name

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuuLBPOYcI8


Your Great Name::Natalie Grant

[Verse 1:]Lost are saved; find their way; at the sound of Your great name All condemned; feel no shame, at the sound of Your great name Every fear; has no place; at the sound of Your great name The enemy; he has to leave; at the sound of Your great name [Chorus:]Jesus, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man You are high and lifted up; and all the world will praise Your great name [Verse 2:]All the weak; find their strength; at the sound of Your great name Hungry souls; receive grace; at the sound of Your great name The fatherless; they find their rest; at the sound of Your great name Sick are healed; and the dead are raised; at the sound of Your great name [Chorus:]Jesus, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man You are high and lifted up; and all the world will praise Your great name [Bridge:]Redeemer, My Healer, Lord Almighty My savior, Defender, You are My King [Chorus:]Jesus, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man You are high and lifted up; and all the world will praise Your great name


very powerful lyrics...really good song...i think about all the things you or i may be facing and there is one answer::jesus...and that name...that name has power...i think back to when i was little and my dad taught me the song "there's just something about that name" and we would sing it whenever i was scared or worried...when i had my accident at 16 yrs old...it was the song i sang as i lay on the side of the road...and as i was being taken back for the cat-scan and for surgery...the name of jesus is healing...it is powerful...it is life-changing...

i speak it over your life and over my life and over every situation we are facing...that precious name...above all others...against which no one and nothing can stand...the final word in every problem and plan...

jesus...jesus...jesus

black friday thanks

grateful for a lovely day...went to the Christmas tree farm with my whole family...had fun...found great trees...had lunch with my bro, sis-n-law and one of my nephews...fun afternoon...yummy dinner...movie nite...just a lovely day

thankful::catching up

i think i missed yesterday::thankful to still have my grandmother with us and to have so many wonderful memories of times spent with her

today's little happy::thankful again for the time i got to spend thanksgiving in nyc and all the amazing memories from that...thankful to get to watch the parade on tv...thankful for yummy food...thankful that God is at work

perspective on conflict

read this here:: http://churchconstructionblog.com/2011/06/15/2-things-i-love-about-conflict/

thought there were some good points...love the different perspective...i tend to be a peacemaker...or maybe that would be better termed a peace seeker...i long for peace in my core relationships...if there is not peace...if things aren't right...it makes me feel that my whole life is off-kilter...i realize there is a balance to be found, as either extreme can cause chaos and confusion...meltdown and disfunction...

anyway...some good thoughts below...chew on this a bit while you settle down from the feasting of the day...

Proverbs 17:9

“Overlook an offense and bond a friendship; fasten on to a slight and-good-bye, friend!” Message

I’ve always gravitated toward conflict. I’m not saying it brings alot of peace to my life, I just gravitate toward it. As I’m entering a new decade of my life I’ve been pondering truths about myself. The way I handle conflict is one of them.

There are two things that draw me toward challenging people situations. Problem solving and relationships.

• Problem Solving – I love to figure things out, to know how stuff works. It’s a gift God gave me that sometimes keeps me from sleeping at night because there is no “off” button. But I love finding solutions.
• Relationships – I’m finding some of my closest relationships have been tested by fire. The wisest counsel I get TODAY is from the people I’ve experienced the greatest conflict with in THE PAST.

Andy Stanley says “there is often a gap between expectations and reality. You can choose to fill it with trust or suspicion.” My calling is raught with conflict. The nature of the work I do consulting on church construction projects constantly requires the setting and re-setting of expectations. I’m finding the best perspective comes when I see conflict as an opportunity to take a relationship to a deep level. Conflict has the potential to destroy relationship, or conflict can bring us into an enviornment of grace where we work with, for , and on each other.

What conflict can you leverage right now?

yesterday's missed little happy

grateful for interactions with my nephews...sweet boys...good times

little happy::nov 21

choosing to be grateful that God is on the throne and he is in control...